7 Words Concepts

Vision is an horizon of the imagination.
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"I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel."

7 Words Works!

It’s worth a moment’s thought to remember how significant words actually are. Even if we do have the habit of using them willy-nilly most of the time, there are other times when we know to choose them very carefully. This is because they make a difference—often a huge difference—to the way things unfold. A clue to how we think is found in how we use words and it has to be said that generally we’re not particularly diligent about aligning the words we use to express ourselves with what we literally mean.

Words have power.

They are used to begin projects by bringing thoughts into a form that can be identified and handled, debated and agreed upon. With words people can be persuaded of anything …words of explanation, promises, contracts and vows. Ideals are expressed in words. Without words we are considerably less well able to form relationships of a complex nature. Words end conflict. Treaty after treaty is broken, yet new treaties are signed and wars end. Words and skills in communication are primary tools of peace. Inevitably at the end of a disagreement, there are words used to lay the foundation of a more peaceful condition between the opponents. It is true of course to acknowledge that much can—and does—happen non-verbally, and that such communication is real and also powerful—yet the point here is that words are extraordinarily influential. They matter.

This is not a detailed study that includes argument about how words are able to shape thought, or how our ideas and beliefs are somewhat limited by the cultural biases reflected in language. For those debates we would need to consult social psychologists and philosophers. The ideas here are meant to be fairly straightforward and intuitively clear-cut. It seems reasonable to accept that words, thoughts, language, beliefs and ideas are inter-connected in some way that defies our complete understanding. It also seems a simple jump to conclude that how we speak, how we think and how we act are all bound up together because how we think affects how we feel and how we feel can affect how we act.

 

We mostly do not say literally what we mean. Here's an example

Mavis the Assertive

You are the manager of the local butcher shop and Mavis comes in with a piece of meat she bought yesterday, slaps it on the counter with a huff and a puff says ‘I wouldn’t feed that to my dog!’ Here’s a quiz: What does she mean…?

 

No	‘This dog meat isn’t suitable’
Hello	‘I am offering information about my dog’s culinary preferences'
Thanks	'You’re the kind of friendly fellow that can take a joke’
Goodbye	‘… and you can forget my future custom!’
Please	‘I want this meat exchanged for a similar piece of better quality
Sorry	‘You are a scoundrel! I blame you’
Yes	‘It’s too good for my dog, I’ll eat it myself '

 

You need a bit more information to be sure what she means, and this comes from non-verbal clues like tone and body posture plus further comments from Mavis when asked to expound a little. On the face of it (in literal terms that is), she’s saying No in a sarcastic way, calling her prime beef dog meat and unsuitable even for that purpose. She isn’t exchanging points of view about what dogs like (Hello), nor is she developing rapport by telling jokes (Thanks), and she hasn’t given notice that she is going to terminate the relationship at this point (Goodbye). If you chose Please you are possibly at least half right, although it does require a little bit of mind reading because there is nothing in what she said to suggest that replacement meat is enough to satisfy; if Sorry—it seems that you already understand the dysfunctional expressions of the 7 Words. Probably, (but who knows?) Mavis is blameful and calls for apology, so it is to do with Sorry as well as Please. You can feel pretty sure that Yes is not the message because she was huffing and puffing in her dissatisfaction.

 

The model begins with the assertion that every communication and behaviour can be understood as an expression of one of these 7 primary words:

No Hello Thanks Goodbye Please Sorry Yes

Sometimes the basic formula of 7 is rather deeply hidden within the complex twists and turns of normal communication, and yet with a bit of persistence and imagination, it can be found. The value of such analysis lies in the clarity it offers. Many of us would benefit from having a really clear picture of where we are and what we’re doing, from which we may be able to understand how to know what to do or how to respond better, based on an authentic rendering of a message—what other people are really trying to say to us. The purpose of analysing the issue is not necessarily to arrive at an ‘answer’—but to come to a deeper sense of knowing what the questions are. The 7 primary words and their related 28 keywords can offer such insights..

No establishes the boundary marker between inside and outside, acceptable or not, mine or not-mine. This boundary clearly identifies things as different from other things and it is constructively created out of our choices—since we have free will—which proclaim the truth of who we are.

Hello is an expansion of attention, an opening up to the new so that exchanges can take place. In its most refined form it leads to communion with another.

Thanks is appreciation for another thing or person, which raises their value, is expressed by giving and is truly felt in the heart.

Goodbye begins with the realization that a decision is needed so that we can complete what we have been doing and move on.

Please requires a vision of something we want and the intention to get it, which inevitably involves cooperation. At its highest level it is prayer.

Sorry is the process of refinement that begins with a heightened sense of responsibility and a feeling of remorse for what our insensitivities have caused. We need to repair the damage if we are to release any issues arising.

Yes when reluctant, is permission which moves through stages of greater willingness in acceptance, agreement and surrender.

In other words

First there is No. Without a rejection of the status quo, nothing moves, because otherwise all is acceptable and no motivation arises.

The opening out that follows is Hello: to new things, new people, new ideas—all energized by curiosity.

It is entirely natural to have preferences and to appreciate certain of these new experiences as of more value; this is Thanks.

Nothing lasts for long, and we move away, even from things we love—Goodbye.

The reason we do this, is because we have a vision of a better life and seek the cooperation of others to get it. That’s where Please comes in.

In doing our own thing, we impact upon others, and occasionally this can be inconvenient or even painful for them—so they may block us. Until we say Sorry.

For all our clear intentions, for all our dreams—we end up getting whatever life puts our way, which is always different from what we expect, and we have to accept that, like it or not, we need to learn to say Yes.

 

 

 

If you have enjoyed this brief summary of 7 Words and would like to know more about how it can be applied in detail to improve relationships and other aspects of life in general...

..further information and suggestions are available in the form of free questionnaires, reports, eBooks and other study material...

and for even more detailed explanations and examples of 7 Words applications, try the workbook: 7 Words Principles and Practices.

 

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